Conquer all with passion

I get irritated at the woman for wanting me to clean my toilet more often because she doesn’t use it and then she goes and clogs it this morning. -.-” And I also woke up to an empty house.  I still haven’t showered and my bathroom smells gross because I’m too chicken to unclog it myself and am waiting for someone to come home. And I’m totally not showering in that tiny, windowless bathroom in hot water so that I can smell just the opposite of squeaky clean when I’m done. 

Fuck. Irritated, irritated, irritated. Sometimes, I forget just how hot-headed I can get. Think I’ve started to revert back, which isn’t bad because it means I’m not holding back anymore.

My head hurts from my fucking wisdom teeth. I didn’t get enough sleep last night (my fault entirely). I got woken up from my nap. And for the third fucking time in two weeks, I lost a contact to the trash can. Two weeks is supposed to be how long it takes to get through one damn pair; I usually take a month, though. 

And and and. I FUUUUCKIIING HAAAATE that you make it nearly impossible to be angry at you. asdfghjkl; I have pride issues. And I’m stubborn. And I’m temperamental. And you’re waiting outside so I better go.

Hiding out in a cubicle, doing absolutely nothing while I wait for someone to get out of class. One hour, twenty minutes. Whichever one of these idiots thought it’d be a good idea to take my shades is dead. 

“And you said we would serve as a bad influence to the rest of the class. Look, we’re leaving first.” 

I laughed. Our math professor let us go early no more than fifteen minutes into class if we completed the homework and knew what we were doing. It’s semi-self-paced, in the sense that we were told what to read and were expected to somehow understand it on our own. Sweet. 

Yesterday’s homework session consisted of me sitting on my laptop, reading random things on the internet while the others worked on the homework. I can’t work with other people because they often hinder my judgements of what I know that I’m doing right. Back in my freshman year of high school, consulting others resulted in my failing a test so I now refuse to listen to other people unless I absolutely have to.

On top of that, I absolutely had to majorly thank my former obsession with Greek mythology for getting me through the quiz-type thingy we had in my lit class.

Very laid back day. Was nice. 

Oh. Right. English homework. Should do that. Damnit. I really fucking wish I had earphones right now. T_T

..that only hands can satisfy.”

Er…well, not really. But I am hungry and for some reason, I’m craving the hash browns from McDonald’s. It’s 8am and I sit here in a corner of the library, enjoying the solitude; this peacefulness that is what I’ve always liked about libraries. I’m glad the idiots who like to mess around in the library don’t come to school early enough.

And I’m thinking of grabbing a sandwich. Really wish I had earphones too. I haven’t been listening to music a lot lately, just when I shower, and it’s starting to bug me. And I’m craving some Barenaked Ladies or Old 97’s. 

Edit: I like the relaxed atmosphere of mornings in the cafeteria. I ended up getting food after my stomach wouldn’t shut up. I got hash browns. ^.^

I’m thoroughly amused by the crowd in mine, mostly because it’s just like high school pre-calculus all over again. The group initiated where we’re going to be keeping ourselves — towards the back — for the rest of the semester and it’s nothing like a clique but it’s because we hold a lot of relevant [and the inevitable irrelevant] discussion that’s likely to distract others. One of the first days of class, we all sat down and looked around and one of us said, “Crap. We’re going to fail this class.” 

Logarithms. We had a pre-test the other day and while most of me was brain dead and super lazy, the logarithms were the ones I could figure out right away.

On another note, I saw this girl walking by on the first day when I was in the library. She had her purse (I think, it was kind of small) slung over her shoulder and a white binder in her hand. Or. Well. Nevermind. I think.

To add: I’m aware of how creepy or crazy I often make myself sound. Kinda makes a person wonder why people still tell me they love me; I think they’re all nuts. ;)

Back to the warm tea and FRIENDS waiting for me in the living room.

Me: Let me count the ways
Me: I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
Me: For the ends of Being and ideal Grace
Him: thats new
Him: butterflies much
Me: HAHAHAHA
Me: Me?
Me: Or you?
Him: me

Yeah, I’m rummaging through old blogs again. It was a year ago, but I still think that was cute.

“…and if God choose, I shall love thee better after death.”

— Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

So I’ve still got 1/8 the jar of red dye left, sitting in my bathroom cabinet. Despite the lack of blonde, I think I’m going to put it to use sometime this week. I know it’ll only give a reddish tint to my head, since my hair’s pretty dark to begin with. Just trying to figure out how I’m going to apply it.

I’m done with school. For three days. It’s almost awesome but I like the relief of knowing that I’ve finished all my work for this class. I do wish that distractions hadn’t hindered me from finishing it earlier, though. Of course I can’t help being an awesome procrastinator, finishing a whole week’s work of assignments in about fourteen hours. I’m in no way advocating procrastination or slacking off, though.

The good news is that I was able to really concentrate without the parental units yelling at me about nonsense and cleaning things. I ended up down at NBS because we had a D&D session going on that I decided to sit out of. It was easy to ignore them and the noise of the card game tournament (no idea what it was, wasn’t paying attention but it might have been Pokemon) going on, listening to I Fight Dragons. [haha, check out the nerdiness! not to mention, I was wearing my “Nerdy by Nature” t-shirt] The most distractions I had were the calls from my mom and the text messages from the boy who, I swear, was clinging on to me through text as if I would cure his endless boredom. 

I like to flip through my old blogs [avid blogger since late middle school]. I like to watch how I’ve grown and evolved and learned. It’s like watching myself grow up as a person because you don’t do that and you don’t often realize how and when you are changing and learning. It’s the reason I don’t not post things [of course, I often end up writing too much so I actually transfer them to my other blog] or delete things. Because I’ve made mistakes and I’m not afraid to let them show. You can’t erase your past the way you can erase your blogs. And the blogs force me to realize how real things were, which usually leads me to assessing them and learning from it. 

And Good Lord, the things I’ve said and the things I’ve felt.

I do not regret staying here for the past four years. But I will regret staying here for the next four years. Nothing in the world could keep me here, and unfortunately that also means you. He wouldn’t have been able to keep me here and I would have been just dandy without him, as much as it’d hurt to be apart. And as much as it’ll hurt me to leave everyone, it’d hurt more to stay. The people closest to me will no longer be within arms reach and that kills me; I don’t even want to imagine it yet. But I know it’s coming and I cry every time I so much as glance at the future.

I wrote that to my best friend over a year ago. Huh.

and I was too lazy to wake up at 5 like I was supposed to. I jumped on my bed, grabbed the old iPod that my uncle let me use [because I’m getting a new phone anyway and I don’t need one] stuck in my contacts and threw on my shoes. Slammed down some water and found that the stupid iPod is dead. No music? No problem. It’s cool. Just run until the sun is up. 

So I start with a slow jog so that I don’t cramp up my calves and then I hear a familiar clanking of metal and panting behind me. I glance back and there he is: my fat, lazy, whimp of a dog. If he weren’t so smart, I would have been more irritated. Figuring the neighborhood dogs would scare him off as per usual, I keep on truckin’. They didn’t. I made it through the first mile with him about two steps behind me. Given that the pup — yes, I still call him “pup — has absolutely no history of physical activity whatsoever, I was proud of him; seriously, I can’t take him on walks because the neighborhood dogs freak him out. 

When we get to the one mile mark, I tell him that he can go home but he doesn’t. He decides to keep following me, except he was now fifteen/twenty feet behind me. I decided for his sake to only go two miles. I didn’t want to risk his physical well-being in exchange for mine. I was about thirty seconds to home when I realized that I could no longer hear the clanking metal in the distance behind me and I turned around to find that he was just standing there…about half a mile away. I was about to carry on when he started running in the other direction. I stopped dead in my tracks and went on a full sprint to get to him and when I did, I started to call his name. He stopped. Looked at me. And kept running. I yelled for him again and told him to cut it out and he finally gave in and followed me home. 

And as irritable as I am that he cut my morning run short, I couldn’t help but think of this as a pretty good way to start my morning. I love my dog and I don’t get enough time to spend with him because he has to stay outside and I have no yard. Megasadfaceforever. Not to mention that it started raining once we got home so at least I won’t get sick from that.

Also, I freaked out some school kids who were walking to their busstop while I was yelling after him. “HEY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! GET OVER HERE!”

Been home for a little less than an hour. I’m hungry so I should get some food. I should also get some sleep since I’m waking up early. I’m also dead tired from wearing myself out crying — just kind of swallowing the pill that is my life one year from now. [I’m not assuming. I’m stating. Frankly, my dears of any nonbelievers, I don’t give a fuck.] I’m also reading through some old blogs. 

Aah, I wish you all could see the magic that is so neatly written all over my xanga. 

Also, I might be getting sick. Fuck my immune system.